Malaria!?

I've been keeping a list of things that I packed that ended up being totally frivolous. On that list is: a travel sized bottle of hair conditioner, (please, as if I even get around to shampooing more than twice a week) and this fancy pants running shirt that I bought when I was being a fancy pants runner by going running outdoors even in cold weather. Then I got tendonitis and the next year I got a gym membership, and thus ended my career as a runner who runs outside in the cold. However, I had been told that it gets cold here in Africa during July, especially up in the mountains. Two sisters I know told me that they even ended up having to share a bed because it was too cold to sleep alone- they came to this same exact place last summer. After this story, I considered bringing a toque and mittens, but was laughed at by everybody in the universe, including myself. Mittens in Kenya? That's near the equator. Silly girl. Anyway, I packed this thermal running shirt for just in casies. Like for pyjamas or something. Until today it had remained on my list of things I shouldn't have packed. But today it proved its worth. I've been wearing it, with a t-shirt and a sweater, all day.

But still, while cooking lunch I was shivering like crazy. Like the kind of cold when you feel moderately certain that you can feel your bone marrow solidifying. Usually I tease people for being cold- other than at night when it really is cold- and boast my tenacious Canadian blood. There was no reason that I should suddenly be so affected by the temperature. That I was cold was unusual, and as I stirred the cabbage, I realised I wasn't even hungry for it. Not hungry for cabbage? Now that smacks of mystery.

Holy goodness, I suddenly realised, I've had two days of diarrhea and I've already taken 4 Advils for this dumb, persistent headache! I DEFINITELY HAVE MALARIA.

While my insolent little phone browser can't support the java on webmd.com's site (the prefered online destination for hypochondriacs everywhere), I still found ample information to confirm my self diagnosis. Did you know that even when taking the most expensive preventative drug, which I am, you can still get malaria? Did you know that even if you live way up in the mountains, where they say there are no mosquitoes, in the coldest month in Africa, when they say there are negative numbers of mosquitoes, that you can still get malaria? For example, we went to the doctor's house for dinner on Monday, and two of his daughters where at the vomiting stage of having malaria. NEVER SAY NEVER TO MALARIA. Did you know that? Also, if you experience flu like symptoms even up to a year after travel, you should consult a physician, because malaria can lie dormant for 12 months. KNOWLEDGE SAVES. The internet can save your life. Anyway, so once I was sure that I was infected, I created a treatment plan. It went like this: tell no one or else they might not let you fly home on Tuesday. Deal with it upon return to Canada.

Just one thing was missing from my diagnosis- a fever. I went to the hospital, conveniently located right beside my house, and asked for a thermometer. 35.9. Totally healtly. CLOSE ONE. I'll still keep an eye on those other symptoms, but I think I'll be okay. Also, don't tell the border patrol people, just in case. I really want back in my country.